when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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