This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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