Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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