Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
