Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
