I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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