I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
