So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
