I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
