ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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