Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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