Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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