I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
