Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize