youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Buhtt sex?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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