if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
