I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
