I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
