like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
