Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
