first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
