I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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