i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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