Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
