Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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