I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
