i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
