i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize