So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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