remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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