She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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