just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
