I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
