how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
