Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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