In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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