i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
