She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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