Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
