look no pants
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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