The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
