Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
