I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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