i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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