i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
