someone owes me an orgasm
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
