i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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