You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
