WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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