im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
