But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
