I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize