I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
