What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
