We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
