The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
