I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
