my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
