I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize