When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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