He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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